Sex Advice and Dating Tips: Sexy vs. Sexual

“My girlfriend is a very sexy woman but she doesn’t like to have sex that often.  I have had a hard time with this.  Any insights for me?"

I can understand how challenging this would be and to break it down sexy doesn’t necessarily translate into sexual.  This is the great misconception in our culture.  We see sexy all over the place, on billboards, on television, in the streets but we don’t necessarily have the skill set to back that up, the understanding, the awareness.  I know, it’s difficult to understand why your girlfriend dresses sexy and looks sexy on the outside but she’s not necessarily that way on the inside.  What this means is that she just hasn’t develop her skill set yet as a lover.  She might not be comfortable asking for what she likes or knows even what she likes to feel pleasure and/or comfort in giving yet.  She may not have developed sense of confidence in the bedroom.

So, there are a few things that could be going on here.  One of the ways that I say to just take the bull by its horns and get right into it is introduce a game of show and tell.  Create an experience with your girlfriend where you say let’s play game of show and tell.  You ask her to show you on you how she likes to be touched, how she likes to be kissed, how she likes to receive pleasure, what brings her excitement, what is fun for her, and you’re going to get a whole lot of information by doing this exercise.  It will be fun for you.  You will receive pleasure as well.  And once you get this information then you’ll have greater clarity of what to do.

If she feels comfortable, if you see that the setting has loosen things up then let her know that you would like to show her on her what you like.  What’s exciting for you?  What inspires you?  What takes you into the stratosphere?  Really have fun with this.  I think the only way to resolve really challenging issues in a relationship is just to play, bring play and fun into the experience.

I also recommend reading my e-book, A Thousand Years of Sexual Wisdom together.  You can read it out loud to each other and it goes through different cultures of the world from Egypt, the Middle East to Europe to Asia and introduces you to their ideas specific to the region about sexuality and intimacy and how step by step you can utilize those ideas and practices in your bedroom right now.  And I guarantee you, this is going to level the playing field because neither one of you will have ever been introduced to this practices.  So, enjoy that with each other and open up the whole world of love and sexuality together.