We all strive for happiness, but when a woman pushes herself to emotional and mental exhaustion in pursuit of "perfect" happiness, she might be suffering from a condition she has never heard of: Missing Mother Syndrome.
When Megan Meadows (a pseudonym) sought my help, her primary goal was weight loss. "Look at me!" she exclaimed, pinching her thighs. "I am fat! I am ugly! I hate my body!" While she did have some middle-age spread, she was undeniably a very attractive woman. So, where did all this self-loathing come from?
As a Meridian Therapy practitioner specializing in Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), I use a form of emotional acupressure to release negative emotions. By tapping on specific energy points on the body while focusing on the problem, EFT can effectively curb food cravings and aid in weight loss. However, I quickly realized that Megan's real issues ran much deeper than her perceived weight problem. She revealed that her mother had recently passed away, which brought up painful memories of her childhood. "I didn't have a mother," Megan said. "She was always gone, and when she was there, she tried to mold me into the little girl of her dreams. She didn't want me. I was a very lonely child."
Megan's lifelong struggle can be attributed to what I call "Missing Mother Syndrome." This term gained recognition when Hope Edelman published her book "Motherless Daughters – The Legacy of Loss" in 1994. Women who had experienced early mother loss found solace in Edelman's words, realizing they were not alone in their feelings of abandonment and grief.
Growing up without the secure presence of a loving, supportive mother is more than just lacking a same-sex role model; it is profoundly devastating. The mother is often the primary caretaker, and losing her—whether physically or emotionally—can start a lifelong nightmare of deprivation. Many negative conditions and feelings experienced later in life may have their roots in this extremely traumatic experience.
You might be suffering from Missing Mother Syndrome if you regularly experience the following:
EFT can bring deep-seated negative emotions and painful memories to the surface and release them quickly and with minimal additional distress. According to Gary Craig, the founder of EFT, "EFT has a high success rate with trauma and abuse issues, especially when applied to specific events."
Happiness is not a tangible object that one can chase, obtain, and possess. It is a fluid quality that evolves naturally when the obstructions preventing it are dissolved. Childhood trauma is certainly one of the main obstructions. Recognizing that Missing Mother Syndrome is the underlying cause of never feeling "right" can be the first step on a woman's healing journey.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, approximately 17.3 million adults in the United States had at least one major depressive episode in 2017, and women are more likely to experience depression than men (NIMH, 2019). The impact of early maternal loss can exacerbate these statistics, making it crucial to address the root causes of emotional distress.
Interestingly, a study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry found that children who lost their mothers before the age of 11 were more likely to experience depression and anxiety in adulthood (Bifulco et al., 2002). This highlights the long-term effects of early maternal loss and the importance of early intervention and support.
Happiness is not a destination but a journey. For women suffering from Missing Mother Syndrome, recognizing the root cause of their emotional struggles can be the first step toward healing. By addressing these deep-seated issues through techniques like EFT, they can begin to dissolve the obstructions that have kept them from experiencing true happiness.
For more information on the impact of early maternal loss and effective healing techniques, visit the National Institute of Mental Health and the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry.
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