The most prevalent issue I encounter among my clients, friends, family, and colleagues is not so much a problem, but a belief. It's a limiting belief that whispers, "I don't deserve to get what I want." This belief is not only prevalent in others, but it's also a personal struggle of mine. Does this resonate with you?
The desire could be anything from the last slice of pizza, some alone time, a fulfilling marriage, or a dream career. Regardless of the object of desire, there's an underlying belief or feeling that it's not okay to have it.
A few months ago, during a session with my coach, I confronted this issue head-on. I had been working more than usual, and my coach challenged me to request a day off from my employer.
The idea was daunting. Despite deserving a day off as much as anyone else, I found myself resisting the idea. I yearned for a day without an agenda, but the tension within me grew as my coach pushed me further.
In the end, I did take a day off, just not the day my coach suggested. We compromised, or rather, I compromised. Was it right or wrong? Who can say? The world kept spinning, and I didn't lose any sleep over my decision.
The first of 28 Attraction Principles in Thomas Leonard's "The Portable Coach" is "Become Incredibly Selfish." I wonder if Leonard identified this as a common issue among his clients, friends, and colleagues? If you haven't read the book yet, I recommend you do. He provides a fresh perspective on the concept of selfishness.
In addition to Leonard's advice, here are some tips I'd like to share:
Recognize this belief in your life. Do you rarely make time for yourself? Are you involved in projects that you don't enjoy? Are you missing out on what you truly want? These are signs that this belief may be present in your life.
Identify what you truly want. Do you want an extra hour or two each day for yourself? A fulfilling marriage or relationship? Or perhaps a more comfortable chair at work?
Ask for what you want, even if this belief tells you it's not okay. It's challenging to ask for what you want initially, but do it anyway. It's just a belief.
Understand the difference between "taking a stand vs. being positional." Taking a stand for what you want is simply stating your desire without feeling the need to justify it. Being positional is stating what you want with an underlying need to prove to yourself and others that it's okay to have it.
Say "no" just because you feel like it. This tip is from "The Portable Coach," and it's a game-changer. How many times have you wanted to say "no" but couldn't bring yourself to do it?
Set aside "me time." This is time just for you to do whatever you want. Why? Because you want to.
Whenever you encounter the belief "it's not okay to get what I want," name it. Recognize it for what it is - an old, limiting collection of thoughts from your past. It's not the truth.
Align your desires with your core values. Instead of letting the coulds, shoulds, and woulds dictate your life, identify your core values and let them guide you.
Consider hiring a coach. If these tips seem impossible, it's a sign that this belief is deeply ingrained in your psyche. You could benefit from some personal attention.
Sleep well. Ultimately, you have to free yourself from this internal struggle. Whether you control your life or let others' expectations and needs control it, make it a conscious choice and be happy with it.
Remember, it's your life! Make it great.
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