The Ten Commandments of Music

... the everlasting sounds of life itself---we were smacked on our rear-ends by someone we didn't even know, and did not give them cause to do so.

The next sound that penetrated our tiny ears was more than likely the sound of our crying.

Next, I'm sure, was the sound of our mother, whom we would soon get to know.

So far, things did not bode well for our future!

“Thou shalt love thy music as they neighbor”

Again, this is also important to remember for as there are some types of neighbors that we really cannot stand to be around, there are also some types of music which fit the same description.

As I must stick to being politically correct, I shall not delve into the details.

“Thou shalt not bear false witness to thy music”

Of course, this one is also very crucial to our very being.  We should never lie to ourselves about the type of music that makes us happy.  It isn't good for our mental and physical health...not to mention our very soul. 

However; sometimes, there are circumstances in which we find ourselves that we feel it is more important to lie about the music that we like. 

A good example could be when our trusty vehicle breaks down, and we find ourselves in some ratty tavern to use the phone, and  where they are playing something akin to a bunch of hogs being slaughtered...and since most of the inhabitants are obviously much stronger than us, it would definitely be better for our mental and physical health if we didn't tell them what we thought of their music.

As far as our souls are concerned, I would wait and try to explain that later, and pray a certain individual understands.

“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's stereo system”

If your neighbor happens to own a music system that you just don't seem to be able to live without, whatever you do, do not attempt to steal it. 

If you do steal it, your mother and father would not approve, the police would not approve, the judge would not approve, and neither would the person who is going to  eventually judge your soul.

However; as with everything, there is always an alternative!  If you happen to be an expert on playing poker, get the neighbor into a game and let him win...until you can talk him into putting up the stereo system...you did not hear this from me!

“Thou shalt play wedding music at your wedding”

This one is an absolute necessity if you are male and value your life-long relationship with your new bride.  We must understand that women have a different outlook on life than their male counterparts. 

Look at the situation this way:  You more than likely spent and enormous amount of time and hard-earned money chasing the beautiful creature of your dreams with some quite wild anticipations in mind...and all  I can say here is that if you wish to have your wild anticipations fulfilled, I suggest you obey this commandment.

I'm not even going to bring up the subject of your mother-in-law!

“Thou shalt play nice music when you are studying”

As with all the other commandments, this one is deemed especially important when you are studying something that is extremely serious for your future.

An appropriate case here would be when you are pouring over all those materials, with all of the diagrams and descriptions, of the new rifle you plan on purchasing for your upcoming hunting trip---and your new female counterpart that you just married is raising heck because she would rather go on a honeymoon...especially since this is your wedding day!

“Thou shalt wear ear phones when playing your music”

This commandment is only important under certain conditions, such as:  A) You are in a theater, B) You are in a restaurant, and C)When you are studying on your wedding day.

“Thou shalt play the appropriate music”

This one is pretty much a no-brainer.  One just doesn't play a death march at a wedding.  We should never play rap music at an opera. 

And if you are planning to get lovey-dovey with your female counterpart, I do not believe I would play the theme from the movie “The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly.”

“Thou shalt have music played at thy funeral”

Most of us human beings have no idea just how very important this commandment is...at least to those who are attending your funeral. 

The problem being, that since there will be such a large variety of people with such a large variety of backgrounds, that you cannot really tell what will be appropriate for all of them...but if I were you, I wouldn't really worry about it---because you won't care!

“Thou shalt always play thy music on an excellent player”

I believe we are all aware of all important this commandment is.  None of us wants to try listening to our favorite music on some cheap player. 

So do yourself a really great favor, forget the rifle and the hunting trip, and purchase the best player you can find, and take your wife on a really wonderful and romantic honeymoon.