The Truth About Child Custody

Divorce can be ugly and if there are children involved in the union it can get down right nasty as one parent inevitably decides to make the area of child custody the part of the divorce that turns into a bloody, knock down, drag out fight. It is also the area that one parent knows they can inflict the most harm to their former spouse and kids can become collateral damage.

Child custody used to be automatically granted to the mother who was often times the stay at home parent and the main caregiver. Fathers had fewer rights as the courts mirrored society and saw the role of the father as that of the breadwinner- not the caregiver to children. Even fathers who were the stay at parent may not have been recognized in court because of gender biases on the part of the courts.

Thanks in part to the civil rights movement women have gained equal footing in the workplace and everywhere else as well but the fallout to the equality movement has been a reversal of gender biases in the court. No longer were mothers granted automatic custody of their children based on gender alone. Now the courts look at a wide variety of issues including the relationship of the child and parent, who provided most of the physical care for the child, who currently has custody of the child and even who is the more stable parent. Stability can be a subjective term and proving one parent unfit is often the direction child custody fights head.

Most lawyers don’t want to go to court and roll the dice with a judgment and would prefer their clients work out an arrangement of child custody before it goes that far. Going to court can get expensive and messy and neither party may end up prevailing with what they want. Judges can be unpredictable and that can be a dangerous gamble to take if you don’t have to take it.
Mediation is often a requirement in most states when children are involved and it has proven to work most of the time. Your lawyer can and should be involved in every step of the process to ensure your rights and wishes in regard to child custody are upheld and if mediation fails your lawyer can take the battle to the courtroom on your behalf. 

Before you go into mediation you should work out with your attorney what you want, what you don’t want and what issues you are willing to bend on and be willing to be flexible. Your final goal should be the best interest of your child and any legal action should be towards that goal regardless of your feelings toward your former spouse.

Most custody cases revolve around what type of custody each parent will have such as sole custody or joint custody and other child custody issues include how child visitation will be planned out and how much child support will be paid.