Save Your Marriage: End Limiting Beliefs

Jul 25 09:49 2013 Lee Baucom, Ph.D. Print This Article

Are you limited by your beliefs?  Do you find yourself "stuck" and not sure how to move forward?  There is a simple process that can help you identify and end your limiting beliefs.

“What can I do?,Guest Posting” cried Sharon, “I can’t do anything!  I don’t
even know where to start!  I want to save my marriage, but he
refuses to even think about it.”  And with that, Sharon launched
into a discussion that lasted at least 25 minutes, telling me why
nothing could be done, why her marriage was a lost cause, and
how she was useless.

After several attempts to slow down the avalanche of
hopelessness, I finally got Sharon’s attention:  “Okay, so there
is nothing you can do.  This is helpless.  And your marriage is
over.  Is that correct?,” I asked.  Sharon, looking out through
tearful eyes, blurted “Yes!  It is useless!”

“Then why are you here?,” I implored.  “You know I work to
help people save their marriages.  So my guess is you have
some hope.”

“Hope, no.  Maybe wishful thinking,” Sharon replied.

“Well,” I noted, “your first problem IS your thinking, but it is not
particularly wishful.  You already have placed limits on yourself. 
You have very limiting beliefs.  And that is your first problem.”

Sharon had no idea what a limiting belief was, and had less
understanding on what it mattered.  So I explained.
save your marriage.

What are Limiting Beliefs?

Below our conscious thinking, we have a built in group of beliefs
that actually form and create our thoughts.  They are filters that
allow us to see the world in certain ways and blind us to seeing
the world in other ways.  Our built-in beliefs flavor our daily life,
our thoughts, and our actions in ways that we are only slightly

These beliefs can be aspirational or fearful.  They can be freeing
or restraining.  Some beliefs show possibilities and some show
limitations.  Most are only partially correct or entirely false.  Your
beliefs about how to save your marriage are usually limiting.

Our fearful beliefs are powerful, and dangerous, for one
important reason:  they operate invisibly — at least until we
identify and name them.  These same beliefs lose their power
when daylight is cast upon them.  When they can be examined,
they evaporate.

Aspirational beliefs, on the other hand, grow stronger by being
seen in the light of day.  They begin to move us in stronger and
more powerful ways when they are understood and embraced.

So bringing fearful beliefs into the open destroys them and
bringing aspirational beliefs into the open strengthens them.

Which raises the question of why we don’t bring them into the
open more often?  First, many people fail to notice these beliefs
in operation.  Second, we have to poke around a bit in areas
that make us fearful.

But if you want to save your marriage, you need to examine
those fearful beliefs and let them go.  They do not serve you!

Think of the limiting beliefs as chains that keep you stuck to the
ground, bound to one place.  Think of your aspirational beliefs
as freeing — cutting the chains to allow you to fly!  They allow
you to shift to new places and new possibilities.

Where Do Limiting Beliefs Originate?

Our limiting beliefs are built over a lifetime.  It is a result of
what we witnessed with our caretakers, how we were loved
and cared for, how our siblings and friends related to us and us
to them, and how other relationships in our lives have

Here is the interesting thing, and very important to know:  Our
Aspirational Beliefs and our Limiting Beliefs (fear-based) are
mirror images of each other!

What you most hope for, and what you most fear — mirror
images.  You may, for example, hope for a loving and caring,
well-connected marriage.  What you fear, then, is a marriage
that is unloving, uncaring and disconnected.

This next point is equally important:  when that Limiting Belief is
made conscious and examined, the Aspirational Belief grows
and the Limiting Belief dims.  It is like the negative side of the
mirror steams over and cannot be seen anymore.

Why Limiting Beliefs Can Stop Your Attempts To Save Your

If you want to save your marriage, you need to be much more
clear about your limiting beliefs.  For example, if your limiting
belief is that someone cannot truly love you, you will
unconsciously rebuff the attempts of somebody trying to love
you.  Over time, the other person will tire of trying to prove
his/her love.  This makes it even harder to save your marriage,
as your spouse has become frustrated with the process.

Or what if you say you want to save your marriage, but you do
not believe your marriage can be saved.  Your actions to save
your marriage will be short-lived.  You will take some action to
save your marriage, become frustrated, reinforce your belief,
and give up on your efforts to save your marriage.

In other words, your limiting beliefs will sabotage both attaining
the marriage you want, then work against your efforts to save
your marriage.

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About Article Author

Lee Baucom, Ph.D.
Lee Baucom, Ph.D.

Dr. Baucom has helped thousands of couples around the world.  He can help you save your marriage at

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