In order to be ourself we must allow ourself to be ourself. Finding out who that self is, is a very big part of becoming authentic, of becoming real. In this short article a leading British therapist discusses acceptance and what this means.
Sooner or later we have to face the fact that we live in a world that is, in many ways, imperfect and unjust.
We will need to come to terms with this if we are to face life with emotional and mental stability.
We may commence our journey with the highest ideals, believing we really can change the world--and, indeed, each one of us can change the world, though only some of us will--but we will never alter the way that life is.
Life will continue to be life, regardless of our desires and remonstrations. It is under no obligation to be fair, it does not have to be just, and it does not have to always make sense. All it has to do is all that it can do: It has to be itself.
In the wise words of Lao Tzu, founder of Taoism, what we need to do is 'let reality be reality'. This is the case, also, as it applies to each of us: We must permit ourselves to be ourselves. discovering who that self is, or more accurately who those selves are - because each person is a composite of many seperate aspects - is a large part of becoming authentic, of becoming real.
When we understand and accept this, when we cease demanding that life be something other than it is and that we become something other than we are, then we stop swimming against the current, and our passage through life becomes so much easier.
There are times when we have to trim our sails and plot a course that takes us through the rivers of compromise. We may not like this, but then again there is no 'Great Law' that says we must like everything in existence. The trick, of course, lies in knowing when to compromise and when not to.
When something cannot be changed, it is pointless to keep on knocking our head against it.
The fortunate ones among us find the serenity to accept the things that we cannot change, the courage to change the things that we can, and the wisdom to know the difference, to paraphrase Reinhold Niebuhr's Serenity Prayer, so wisely adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous and other Twelve Step groups.
As long as we try our very best, then we will have done all we can--even if, at times, all we can really do is to hold our head above the water and go on breathing.
Our feet will always find secure land as long as we do not abandon hope. Who knows how many people we might one day help because of our own trying experiences?
Though we may not see it as we are going through it, nothing need ever really be wasted. Everything has its value. Our true solutions, like so many of our difficuties, reside within. We need to work from the inside out, not from the outside in, to bring about real change and restore an inner balance that will last.
As a hypnotherapist, I believe that modern hypnotherapy provides the most effective way to do this that there is.
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