Advice on Announcing Your Decision to Remarry

You are now experiencing mixed feelings: the thrill due to your engagement and some unease for your upcoming encore wedding.

You are now ready to announce this special event to the world.  Besides asking for the details of the proposal, and whether you said YES, you have to be prepared to answer two questions: When do you plan to get married, and Where?  You can still change some details of your wedding but many people will straightaway be thinking about their own plans.

The big question is: Who should you tell first?

In case you have kids with your first spouse, they should be the very first to know, then you can tell your parents, ex-spouse, siblings and close friends. After which, you can declare it to the rest of the world.

Be very sensitive about giving your young children the news. Once they know, any dream they held of their parents reuniting is shattered. Make them feel as safe, loved, and included as possible.

Your children’s feelings deserve to be expressed and respected. Walk the line between repressing and over-indulging their feelings.

Grown children often react thoughtlessly or unkindly. Be patient with their questions. Listen to their concerns. They have your best interests at heart (really), and may raise some valid points. Show the children how happy you are.

If you’re close to your parents, you’ll be eager to tell them your news. Whatever their reaction, remind yourself their feelings are their own and really have nothing to do with yours.

Let your ex-spouse know that you’re marrying as soon as possible; they shouldn’t hear it from the children first. Meet to discuss your future plans, the impact on the children and the upcoming changes. If you can’t or won’t meet face to face, the next best option is a telephone call; a letter or email should be the last resort.

Specific etiquette sources advise that declarations for encore marriages should wait until after the ceremony, while others say you should handle them just like your first. It’s entirely up to you and your future spouse to decide on this together.

Note that under all the details of duties and in-laws and ten thousand practical concerns, it comes down to you, your partner, and your children creating your own shared destiny.

Enjoy the ride from your engagement to your encore wedding. Congratulations, plan for this to be a love to last….this time.