One of the main things that hold people back from deliberately making change is uncertainty around how to communicate change to others. Our communication patterns, like everything else, evolve over time and are prone to habits. This article helps you check in with how you speak with yourself and others and see where you can upgrade and feel even better about how you “talk your walk.”
Throughout your life you will enjoy many experiences that cause you to “rethink” your priorities and lifestyle. (OK, sometimes you don’t actually enjoy them but that’s not the point right now.) Sometimes they are major life altering experiences like a serious illness, the birth of a child, world events that touch you deeply, etc. Other times they are seemingly minor events, like something you read in a book, that give you an “Aha” moment. There are amazing blessings in these opportunities to re-evaluate and re-create your life, even the opportunities that feel extremely painful in the beginning.
I experienced a major upheaval and dramatic change slightly less than two years ago when my mother passed away suddenly from a brain aneurysm. I’m experiencing another transition stage this summer with the arrival of my first child. Becoming a mother is certainly far more joyful than losing a mother, however, the depth of the transition is comparable. Such events, both happy and sad, are blessings in the way they open doors to new opportunities even as they may close doors to others.
This week I invite you to take a close look at every aspect of your business and personal life and make some clear and specific decision about what you want and what you don’t want in your life. Whether you are going through a major life transition or not, it’s always a good time to make sure you are living the life you WANT to live. Feel great about your decisions and take action steps to make your choices your reality.
One of the main things that holds people back from deliberately making change is uncertainty around how to communicate change to others. (By the way, how you communicate is a great area of your life to review and update). Our communication patterns, like everything else, evolve over time and are prone to habits. Check-in with how you speak with yourself and others and see where you can upgrade and feel even better about how you “talk your walk.” This week’s article, 8 Must Haves to Make Every Conversation Authentically Compelling, packs a double benefit as it gives you powerful communication tips to help you upgrade your communication in general while also helping you authentically communicate all the other changes you make.
Effective communication skills help you express yourself in a compelling manner, share your authentic self with others and feel confident and successful. Following are eight of “Ruth’s Rules” for communication that, when incorporated into your personal communication vision, will make your conversations more enjoyable, authentic and successful. When you are clear on your communication vision, you will always know what to say (even when you don’t think you know what to say).
Start incorporating these 8 must haves to make every conversation authentically compelling into your conversations today (oh, and don’t overwhelm yourself with this, pick one or two to start with and when that feels comfortable add a couple more until it all flows effortlessly).
1. Know what you know. Believe it or not, “facts” aren’t always as cut and dried as you think. Be honest with yourself about what you know to be true, believe to be true, are unsure about and plain disagree with. Trust your gut (intuition) about what you feel and know. It’s OK if you don’t agree with others (or they don’t agree with you). What’s important is that you are clear on what is important to you and on how you want to compassionately communicate with people who have different points of view.
2. Always set an intention for a win/win/win outcome in every communication exchange. “Winning” an argument is no prize.
3. Be a GREAT listener. It’s temping to spend the other person’s talk time thinking of what you will say next, however, paradoxically, concentrating on listening to and really hearing the other person actually helps you say the best possible thing. Plus, when people feel heard they are much more open to what you have to say.
4. Think VALUE. Always share the best of who you are. Give people the gift of the real you.
5. Always be sincere. Sometimes it’s tempting to say the easy thing (i.e. when you say you can’t do something when the truth is you simply don’t want to). These kinds of pseudo-lies don’t hurt the other person, they hurt you. You are subconsciously telling yourself that simply not wanting to do something isn’t a good enough reason, that what you want isn’t important. Believe me, the ripple effects of this kind of silent message are amazingly impactful on your general level of success and well being. Say you don’t want to politely, positively and honestly, but DO say you don’t want to if that’s the truth.
6. Practice “talking your walk.” Communicate your authentic self all the time and everywhere so that it becomes natural and effortless. It matters that you BE you in the grocery line and even when you’re by yourself.
7. Become skillful at asking questions. Questions help you educate yourself about others, clear up confusion, create connection, listen more deeply and actively, go deeper with a topic, go deeper in a relationship, show interest, etc.
8. Put it into ACTION. Communicating is active, it’s something you DO. Focus on BEING yourself while you DO communication. Plan ahead when you are faced with an important chat, choose your language consciously, speak your truth joyfully and compassionately, etc.
The more you communicate the real you to the world, the easier it gets and the more success you will enjoy.
As always, have fun with this!
*****
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