Dating At Sixteen

In our household, we have a rule: no dating until you’re sixteen years of age. We decided to partake in this rule when our first child was born, sixteen short years ago. My husband dated early, and I was the late bloomer. Finding common ground wasn’t easy, but we both had one thing in common: we wanted to protect our children.

We thought about the many facets of dating and realized that we didn’t want our children growing up “too soon”. And dating before they were emotionally ready to handle the consequences that followed such an important step in their lives wasn’t something we wanted thrown at them. But that doesn’t mean it’s been an easy road.

Peer pressure can play havoc on children and cause them to make decisions they’ll later regret. Giving our children an out, “Because my mom said so” has saved them on numerous occasions, but when it came to dating, it often resulted in acting like the double-edged sword.

It was easy to say, “No I can’t smoke or drink because my parents would kill me” but it was often difficult, and sometimes embarrassing, to say, “I’m not allowed to date until I’m 16”.

At one point, our mature, thirteen year old son asked if he could date. In fact, he went so far as to tell us that he “had a girlfriend” and “had one for a day or so now”. We talked about why he made the decision, why we said he had to wait, and let him decide if it was right to “break up”. The next day, he came home to inform us that he had broken up.

Three years later, he’s ready to date and asked, “Can I get my permanent license and car insurance so I can start dating? I don’t want to rely on you or the girl to drive me around on a date.” Our reply, “We’re working on it.”

In four years, our daughter will be in the same boat—though she’s already asked to start dating because many of her 12-year-old friends have boyfriends.

It still amazes us that so many kids are dating at ten and twelve and fourteen years of age—before they fully comprehend what it means to be in a true, monogamous relationship or understand the many consequences that follow: early pregnancy, sleepless nights, struggling to make ends meet while raising a child, working full time, trying to complete an education, and so on and so forth.

It hasn’t been easy sticking to our guns—not for us and not for our kids. But one thing’s for sure, we love them enough to make the tough decisions for them. After all, it’s our jobs as parents to lead them in the right direction and pray they make wise choices.

If your children are asking about dating, or insinuating that they have a school boyfriend (or girlfriend) sit down with them and have that s-e-x- talk you’ve always dreaded. Make sure they know what to expect should they decide to do more than kiss. And remember, you can’t lock your kids behind closed doors, but you can help them make the right choices and pray that they don’t give into peer pressure or any other kind of pressure.