Ending a Long Term Relationship

Jul 27 07:48 2009 Marvic Bernabe2 Print This Article

Having a series of monogamous relationships before deciding to get married is the norm these days.  At least two, if  not three or four, generations have grown up watching their parents’ marriages come to an end.  Some of those  parents’ second and third marriages have also ended in divorce.  Today, people get married later in their young  adult years in an effort to avoid the pain and suffering they witnessed as children and teens.

Having a series of monogamous relationships before deciding to get married is the norm these days.  At least two,Guest Posting if  not three or four, generations have grown up watching their parents’ marriages come to an end.  Some of those  parents’ second and third marriages have also ended in divorce.  Today, people get married later in their young  adult years in an effort to avoid the pain and suffering they witnessed as children and teens.

In the meantime, adults of all ages do not remain celibate while they are searching for their one love in a lifetime.  They have a series of monogamous relationships, each one likely filling a variety of personal and social needs until the right one comes along. 

As a result, many people want to know how to end a long term relationship with love, grace, and dignity.  If you want to make your relationship ending a loving one, I have good news for you.  In your desire is the secret to how to do it.  By having the desire to create a loving ending, you are already taking responsibility.  That is important because the way you create a loving end to any relationship is to take 100% responsibility for what you created in that relationship.

Now, taking that level of responsibility for what you created in the relationship goes beyond the common defense of, “It’s not you it’s me.”That statement never made anyone feel better, neither the giver nor the receiver!  It’s really just a cop out for when you want out as quickly and painlessly as possible. 

A loving ending to your relationship may mean coming face-to-face with your own and your lover’s pain more intensely than you thought possible.  On the other hand, a loving ending might mean you both get to experience relief, peace, and even happiness.  The nature of the relationship and the individuals involved will determine what a loving ending looks like and feels like.  You can’t force or manipulate your partner into behaving a certain way through the breakup.  You can only control yourself.

When you take 100% responsibility for what you created in this relationship, it means you don’t play the blame game. We’re talking about a level of responsibility you may have never come across before.  It looks like this.  If your partner was manipulative or less than full of integrity, you acknowledge that you created that.  You attracted him or her into your life to teach you something about yourself and so you own that.  If your partner let themselves go once a certain level of commitment was reached, you own that as your creation.  There was something in his or her behavior that was a mirror for you to look at and address.  If your partner turned out to be a doormat or abusive or a slob or a neat freak, you acknowledge that you attracted this person with their unique personality and issues into your life for a reason.   

This kind of responsibility comes from the philosophy that every thing, every person, and every circumstance that shows up in your life is a reflection of you.  It is a gift for you to accept and either celebrate it because of its goodness or get to work on the part of yourself where it shows you improvement is needed.

Everything in your life being a mirror doesn’t mean that if you are with a slob that means you are a slob.  You

might be a neat freak!  However, if you cannot tolerate slobs in your life and find them reprehensible, you will likely attract a number of them so that you have the opportunity to lighten up, relax, and release the need to control so much.

Taking this level of responsibility may open up doors for communication between the two of you that creates the space for your lover to also take responsibility.  Keep in mind, though, that he or she may not be up to the task.  It requires a lot of courage and strength to take this much responsibility. 

It may be that taking responsibility means you are able to support his or her needs as the relationship comes to an end; and, by doing so, create a loving ending by being strong for both of you.  Taking responsibility and creating a loving ending can also mean setting healthy boundaries for yourself if your lover has a personality that is toxic to yours.  Remember, a loving ending means kindness and patience for yourself as well as the other person.

Through self-exploration, you can discover why you attracted your present lover into your life so that you can learn the lessons you need to learn.  This is where it gets exciting!  Because when you take this level of responsibility, you give yourself the opportunity to create a better, more loving, more passionate relationship next time.  You even have the possibility of creating the love of your life next time. 

How is that possible?  Because when you enter a relationship taking 100% responsibility for it from the beginning, you enter it from the position of creator rather than victim.  That makes all the difference!    

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About Article Author

Marvic Bernabe2
Marvic Bernabe2

Joseph Malinak is a certified Magi Counselor using The Cards of Destiny and a life coach specializing in relationships.  The co-author of Getting Back to Love and Create the Love You Want, you can get a FREE video e-course, 10 Secrets to a Successful Relationship, by visiting him at http://www.JosephMalinak.com

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