Is Deception Threatening the Heart of Your Relationship? 10 Questions Women Must Ask Themselves

Feb 4 11:08 2007 Conner O'Seanery Print This Article

Is your guy being honest and up front with you? Are you sure? Find out if the heart of your relationship is beating strong or on the verge of cardiac arrest by asking yourself these 10 crucial questions - and answering them honestly.

At the heart of every healthy relationship beats a single,Guest Posting undeniable quality: Honesty. Threatening the heart of every healthy relationship is the artery-clogging cholesterol of deception. Left untreated, the sticky lies between you and your man can build up and build up until, one day, wham! Your relationship suffers cardiac arrest and flat lines.

But lies won't leave your relationship lying dead on the table if you know the warning signs to listen and look for. Take your relationship's pulse by honestly answering these 10 questions:

1. Does your guy ask you to repeat questions over and over?

He says it's because he damaged his hearing listening to Ozzy Osbourne as a teenager. You think the damage -- like with Ozzy -- is located between his ears. But beware! Asking for a question to be repeated is also a favorite technique used by a liar to buy time and come up with an answer in the dark corners of his mind.

Score: Never (0 points); Seldom (5 points); Frequently (10 points)

2. Does your man use qualifiers like "sometimes," "generally," or "to the best of my knowledge" when he talks to you?

When people insert the phrase "to the best of my knowledge" before their answer, it means they have no idea what they're talking about. Qualifiers are exactly that; they qualify what the person says and give them "loopholes" or escape clauses to avoid responsibility. Don't trust 'em or the people who use 'em!

Score: Never (0 points); Seldom (5 points); Frequently (10 points)

3. Does he tend to expand contractions?

When "I didn't stay up all night surfing those triple-X websites" becomes "I did not stay up all night surfing those triple-X websites," with an indignant look thrown in for good measure, it could be a signal he's hiding some dirty laundry -- or dirty Internet habits.

Score: Never (0 points); Seldom (5 points); Frequently (10 points)

4. Does his voice become more high-pitched when he's explaining why he had to work late?

Lying causes physical changes in a liar's body. One of the most common changes is a tightening of the throat and vocal chords. The tighter the throat and vocal chords, the higher the pitch of the voice. Of course, blunt-force trauma to a guy's nether regions as he sneaks into the apartment at three in the morning also causes physical changes in the body and vocal pitch, so be careful not to confuse the two.

Score: Never (0 points); Seldom (5 points); Frequently (10 points)

5. Does he use pronouns instead of actual names, especially when he's referring to your parents and closest friends?

He might be trying to add some emotional distance to his lie. Or he's a typical guy who always dwells in a vapor of distraction.

Score: Never (0 points); Seldom (5 points); Frequently (10 points)

6. Does he frequently look away when he's talking to you?

Perhaps he's afraid to show you his two-faced face. Or maybe he's mesmerized by the waitress in the short skirt serving the table next to yours.

Score: Never (0 points); Seldom (5 points); Frequently (10 points)

7. Does he clasp his hands together or interlock his fingers?

It might be a sign he's holding something back. Open hands are a traditional sign of honesty, dating back to a time when two strangers would show their palms on meeting to prove they weren't packing heat.

Score: Never (0 points); Seldom (5 points); Frequently (10 points)

8. Does he tap his foot or wave it about in the air if he's sitting cross legged?

Depending on how long you've been grilling him over why the vacuuming didn't get done, this sign might simply indicate an urgent need for the bathroom. Or his unrealized desire to dance with the stars.

Score: Never (0 points); Seldom (5 points); Frequently (10 points)

9. Does he drink anything he can get his mitts on?

Frequent swallowing and heavy drinking can be a symptom of deceitfulness -- or an unrealized desire to dance with the stars.

Score: Never (0 points); Seldom (5 points); Frequently (10 points)

10. Does his smile seem insincere?

Remember how your mom used to say it was easier to smile than frown? Well, Momma was right! It takes only two muscles (the zygomaticus major muscles extending from the cheekbones to the corners of the lips) to paste one on your face. This also makes smiles easy to fake, so look for a lack of movement of the wrinkle lines around your guy's eyes. It's classic tell of a bald-faced liar ... or Botox injections.

Score: Never (0 points); Seldom (5 points); Frequently (10 points)

Tally Your Score:

0 - 50 Points: Congratulations! The heart of your relationship is beating strong! You and your guy likely have an open pathway of communication.

50 - 75 Points: Exercise caution! Your relationship's ticker is working hard, but it's not in the danger zone -- yet.

75 - 100 Points: Watch out! Cardiac arrest may be just around the corner. Your relationship needs a steady diet of honesty -- and oat bran.

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About Article Author

Conner O'Seanery
Conner O'Seanery

Conner O'Seanery is the author of You Won't Get Fooled Again: More Than 101 Brilliant Ways to Bust Any Bald-Faced Liar (Even If the Liar is Lying Beside You!) and You Won't Get Fooled at Work Again: 40 Timely Tips for Recognizing Deception in the Workplace. O'Seanery is a popular media guest whose insights have been featured on City TV's Breakfast Television, Global Television's NewsHour, USA Radio Network and hundreds of radio stations. His books have been featured in the New York Post, National Post, Seattle Times, Toronto Star, and other newspapers. To download free excerpts from You Won't Get Fooled Again and You Won't Get Fooled at Work Again visit Conner's website at http://TheSerialLiar.com

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