Why You Want What You Can't Have

The Lure of the Unattainable

The Rolling Stones famously sang, "You can't always get what you want," a sentiment that resonates with many. This timeless lyric not only captures a universal truth but also sets the stage for understanding our complex relationship with desire and denial.

Psychological Drivers Behind Our Desires

1. Heightened Attention

   • Focus and Obsession: When we're told we can't have something, our focus on that item intensifies. This can be seen in scenarios like dieting, where forbidden foods become overwhelmingly tempting. This heightened attention can turn into an obsession, making the desired object seem more valuable than it actually is.

2. Perceived Scarcity

   • Increased Value: Items that are scarce or perceived as scarce often appear more desirable. This is evident in behaviors such as bidding wars on auction sites like eBay, where the value of an item can skyrocket as more people show interest in it. The principle of scarcity compels us to want things simply because they seem rare or in high demand.

3. Psychological Reactance

   • Emotional and Behavioral Responses: This phenomenon occurs when people react against restrictions imposed on their freedom of choice. For example, teenagers might desire to date someone precisely because their parents disapprove. Similarly, a "Wet Paint" sign almost irresistibly invites people to touch the paint. This reactance is a mix of emotional rebellion and behavioral defiance.

Real-World Implications and Strategies

Understanding these psychological triggers can help individuals make more rational decisions about their desires. By recognizing when our interest is driven by scarcity, reactance, or heightened attention, we can step back and assess whether we truly want something or if we are simply caught up in the moment.

Case Studies and Statistics

• Auction Dynamics: Research shows that items in auctions can fetch prices far beyond their intrinsic value, driven by the heat of competition and the fear of losing out to others. A study by the Journal of Consumer Research noted that auction participants often experience a "winner's curse," where they end up paying more than what the item was worth to them personally.
• Dietary Restrictions: A survey by Psychology Today revealed that 80% of dieters are more likely to crave foods that are off-limits than those that aren't, illustrating the power of forbidden fruit.

Managing Unattainable Desires

Next time you find yourself pining for something out of reach, consider whether these psychological factors are at play. By understanding the roots of our desires, we can better manage them and perhaps find satisfaction in what we genuinely need, rather than what we momentarily want.

In the wise words of the Rolling Stones, sometimes, "you just might find, you get what you need.