A woman-centred psychotherapist explores the topic of women and self-esteem and provides invaluable tools to help women increase their self-worth.
In this article, I want to talk with you gals about that much-touted, not-so-easy to obtain, pop-psychology all-star concept; self-esteem. We all want to know:
In this e-zine, I’m going to attempt to begin addressing these questions to get you thinking, questioning, and hopefully, moving forward to answering them for yourself.
In terms of what self-esteem is, I have found a few definitions by doing a web-search for the term. Here they are:
I’d say those are pretty good definitions and quite straightforward. If only it were as easy to HAVE self-esteem as it is to define it! I wish I could tell you that I was one of those women who treats low-self-esteem like a ridiculous practical joke and just laughs it away while I constantly feel fabulous, brilliant, beautiful, and at “the top of my game”, but I’d be lying and I am really bad at lying and the guilt obtained from lying would decrease my self-esteem further, which is something I don’t need at the moment.
Yes, I have moments of feeling like I can take on the world and dance around the kitchen singing “W-O-M-A-N” at the top of my lungs along with the CD, only to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror to observe that, “wow- don’t I look fabulous today?” Then I have a great day at work and really get it that I’m helping people to live better lives and I give myself the old pat on the back for a job well done…
Those are the good days…
On the bad days, I have what I call “low self-esteem attacks” wherein I temporarily forget who I am, what I do for the world, and what is good about me. And I know I’m not the only one because every day I hear stories from my clients about the exact same phenomenon. When I have positive self-esteem myself I look at these amazing women in front of my eyes who think they’re “nothing”, “stupid”, and “ugly” and I want to jump up out of my chair and scream, “Who told you these horrible lies about yourself?! None of it is true! You’re brilliant, magnificent, and fabulous and have so much to contribute to the world!”
But, being the ‘good therapist’, I wipe the horror off my face and do my best to appear emotionally neutral and help them come to their own conclusions; in their own time. And I know that as a woman, it’s useless to tell another woman over and over again just how great she is and why I admire her. While it’s great to be reminded in our low times, we also need to work on remembering how fabulous we really are all on our own and not become dependent on hearing it from other people so much of the time.
Why is this so hard for so many of us? I have seen lots of women out there who really are convincing when they say that they don’t care what other people think about them, but I’m not so sure they’re being totally honest. I mean, is there one woman out there who has NEVER given a damn about what someone thought of her? If there is, I want to meet her and get her recipe for high self-esteem!
To end this brief thinking-out-loud session about women and self-esteem, I’d like to leave you with some tips on how to boost your self-esteem when you’re having a “low self-esteem attack”:
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