Aiding Angry Allies

Dec 19 22:00 2001 Ruth Marlene Friesen Print This Article

You may have seen this in the ... not make friends with a ... man, do not ... with one easily ... *Fairly obvious advice, since we all know that anangry person can become

You may have seen this in the Bible;

"Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man,Guest Posting do
not associate with one easily angered..." *

Fairly obvious advice, since we all know that an
angry person can become violent and hurt us. We
have learned over the last decade or two that an
abuser or criminal has often a submerged anger.

But how many of us can recognize latent or hidden
anger in an individual? Is it possible to spot
the signs and avoid becoming too close to an angry
friend?

Lets skip backwards, spin around three times and
see if we don't land back at the beginning where
anyone first picks up a deep, unresolved anger.

Isn't it when someone disappoints us so hard, or
doesn't measure up to promises or expectation,
that we get that first gash to our spirit? If it
happened to us as a child, we somehow don't sense
permission to get angry over our disappointment,
so we submerge it. Or we may be old enough to
reason why the promise really wasn't coming to us,
or the other person had every right to hurt us.

But that gash has been made, It doesn't follow
that reasoning. Untreated, it festers and grows
maggots.

Time passes, we grow older and we go on to other
things. That gash eventually grows a scab over it.
However, it is forever touchy, and if anything or
anyone resembling the original weapon which axed
it comes near, all our spiritual nerves tingle,
ready to take flight or to fight.

Those people who turn into physical hulks, or are
confident in some other aspect of life, are likely
to fight. It is the old wound lashing back, and we
call it an angry outburst.

Those who wilt and turn inward usually punish
themselves, whether anyone else or not.

Let's spin ourselves three times and skip-to-my-
Lou forwards. Even if we understand how the angry
person got angry, is it wise to form a partnership
or marriage with such a one? That person needs help,
but isn't going to take it from you, and for sure
not until she or he wants to look at the ugly sore
again.

So don't date, don't marry, don't even get close
to an angry person unless you are a glutton for
pain, or else you have the strength to wrestle
an angry animal down until it's healed.

What it takes to heal an old wound is;

1. take a good close, curious look at it,

2. confront the person who caused it originally,
and express the hurt, the pain suffered,

3. whether the Cause repents or not, the woundee
must forgive, set aside that event by giving it
to God to redeem, and believe that good will now
come out of it.

But old habits of quickly lashing out or self-
beating will die hard, and if you are the friend
that is going to stick it out for a woundee's sake,
don't expect to coast just yet.

Brace yourself. You'll get scratched and wounded
too, but if you are braced and remember to deal
with each wound while fresh, you are a strong and
noble character, and God called you a Blessed
Peacemaker.

May your tribe increase!

*(Proverbs 22:14 NIV).

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Ruth Marlene Friesen
Ruth Marlene Friesen

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