On The Lighter Side: A Quest For The Internet Secret

Indiana Jones' quest for "The Holy Grail" wasn't exactly a cakewalk. Spiders, snakes, bad guys and a multitude of other nasty obstacles plagued his every step.

What I have planned ought to be a piece of cake by comparison.

You see, I'm off to find the Internet Secret. In effect, The Holy Grail of easy, web-based wealth and success.

Nope, this shouldn't be difficult at all. Probably won't even break a sweat. At least I won't hurt myself, I think.

Gonna make some notes on the journey too, so when I find the secret, I'll know how to get there again, just in case I can't take it with me (I learned this from Indy).

Okay, I'm off, whip in hand, just to be on the safe side.

• Hmmm ... an attractive, well organized, carefully written website. Well, that sounds a little difficult, but if that's all there is to it ... well, I'll manage it.
• Oh, there's more. Here's something else ... targeted traffic.  Yeah, makes sense. Identify potential customers and learn where they hang out on the net. Sort of like going to the local pub? Noooo problemo. Add it to the list.
• What's this? Compelling ad copy? Well, how hard can that be?  I watch TV. Let's write that down.
• Now wait just a doggone minute! Write a newsletter? Now don't tell me that's not work! I know work when I see it! Scratch that out. Let's move on.
• "Get A Million Gazillion And Thirteen Visitors FREE!" Now that's more like it. Now we're getting somewhere. Write that down.
• Search engines? Geez, there's spiders here too! Who knew?  And they're smart, evolving and unpredictable? Now that sounds dangerous! Outta here!
• Write articles. What's with all this writing stuff? Articles? Ad copy? Websites? Newsletters? Reports? Hey, don't they know I'm busy? Next.
• Relationship marketing. Oh? Back to the pub again. Write that down.
• Open rates, conversion ratio's, CPM's. What the heck? Math too? Yeah, right. Next stop.
• Build opt-in list for the long term. Long term? Sorry, rents due on Tuesday. Bye!
• "Men, Enlarge Yo ...!" Ooops. Off topic. But ... write that down!
• Make time to help others in market specific forums. Didn't you hear me the first time? I said, "Tuesday"!
• "Turn $25 Into $10,000 While You're In the Shower!". Whoa! This could be it! Note: "Fix shower!"
• Give away something valuable, free. Oh, that's precious. Bound to be very impressive down at the bank too. Next!
• Viral marketing? You've got to be kidding! If you think I'm gonna be sitting here while I'm sniffling, sneezing and feeling achy all over, I've got news for you!  Whew! This is a little tiring after all. Time for a break.

Holy guacamole! Look at my mailbox! Boy, did I get popular!  And how did they know I was looking for the Internet Secret?  Wonderful, 347 messages telling me they've had it the whole time!  Piece of cake. Eat your heart out, Indy.

Author's note: Perhaps the real internet secret consists of many, many little secrets, or marketing tasks. Dozens upon dozens, in fact, that aren't really secrets at all. Some as simple as a signature file. Others as demanding as publishing a newsletter.

Do a handfull of them well, and the progess begins. Consistently add new "secrets" to your marketing arsenal, and the sky's the limit.