I Know He Wants To Leave, But Why?

In a recent article I discussed the results of an informal survey of my sample group of guys. The guys were asked to state why they would leave their girlfriends in the first one or two words that popped into their heads. The common theme that came out of their responses was boredom and routine. The excitement had faded and the spontaneity was gone. Why did this happen and could they have done anything about it? I asked this question to our panel of guys to see if they had any wisdom that would enlighten us. Here's a summary of what they said.

First it's important to understand that these feelings the guys are having developed over several weeks if not months or years. They didn't just occur overnight. Guys seemed to feel that there was more excitement early on in the relationship when it was just developing. They remembered the nervous excitement they felt when calling the girl to ask her out. There was still a lot of newness and they were never sure if they were going to get shot down or lifted up. The guys had the challenge of trying to win the girl over; to impress and romance her. Something as simple as her reaction to a different outfit they wore to the more sophisticated fancy dinner and dancing gala event. This was the hunt. The thrill of the hunt is what kept the adrenaline pumping.

Now as the relationship has developed and the dust settles things become a little more routine. If you don't do anything about it then things become a lot more routine. Before you know it spontaneity has been replaced with the routine and the expected. The hunt is over and we've got the girl. That thrill is gone. So the guy's thoughts on this were that as the routine set in and the initial phase of excitement dwindled, the routine became more and more apparent. It started to take over so to speak.

Their explanation of why this was bad was that the danger was gone. The risk and spontaneity were gone. There was no chance of being turned down for a date. Your clothes rotation was getting old and you've both seen everything else the other one wears. You start eating at the same restaurants and talking about the same things. You've done the surprise romantic thing and it's getting harder and harder to come up with something to do that has some wow factor. The little habits that each of you has that you once considered cute are now becoming annoying. You're much more comfortable with each other now so you are more likely to criticize and offend the other. The guy's summarized all of this by saying that there was nothing left to conquer. The hunt, the conquest was over. This left them with an empty feeling about the relationship they were in.