The first step to achieving your goals might be to challenge your own conventions. Often, the rules we set for ourselves are the very things that prevent us from realizing our dreams. When we talk about "rules," we're referring to ingrained thought patterns, hidden assumptions, habits, and misplaced generalities. These rules might also include what we consider "common sense." Albert Einstein, one of history's greatest rule breakers, once said, "common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18."
If you're feeling stuck or unable to find a solution to a persistent problem, it's likely that one of your self-imposed rules is holding you back. For instance, consider the case of a client named Janice. She wanted to start an exercise program but had dismissed the idea as impossible due to her busy schedule.
Janice often made statements like "that's just the way it is," or "it's out of my control." Upon further questioning, it became clear that one of her rules was "I have to go to a gym to workout."
This rule might seem trivial to some, but for Janice, it was a significant barrier. She believed that she had to go to a gym to work out, and she didn't have time to go to a gym. This rule limited her perspective, much like a horse wearing blinders.
When asked, "Janice, who says you have to go to a gym to exercise?" she had a moment of realization. Once she let go of this rule, she was able to consider other exercise options.
By challenging this rule, Janice started walking each morning with her younger sister. This not only helped her achieve her fitness goals but also strengthened their relationship, which had drifted apart over the years.
A fictional example of rule-breaking can be found in an episode of "Seinfeld." The character George Costanza discovers that if he does the opposite of what he'd usually do in a given situation, he achieves the desired outcome.
During a job interview with the New York Yankees, George tells the team owner how poorly he's managed the team. Instead of being polite and professional, as he usually would, George is rude and obnoxious. Surprisingly, he gets hired.
While it's not advisable to follow George's example entirely, it's worth examining your own rules, especially in areas where you feel stuck.
Discussing your challenges with someone trained to help you find solutions, such as a coach, can be beneficial. As one client said, "I appreciate your honesty and directness in pointing out things that I've had 'blinders' on to."
Are you ready to challenge your rules? Go ahead. You can do it. As Thomas Edison said: "hell, there are no rules here--we're trying to accomplish something." This might be the only difference between a mediocre life and an amazing one.
Remember, it's your life! Make it great.
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