Relationship Success Strategies: Chooser Versus Choosee: The Power of Choice

Sep 24 18:58 2008 Ken Donaldson Print This Article

Are you letting people influence your life in a way that’s negative? Do you isolate yourself out of fear of getting hurt? Are you clear about acceptable and unacceptable behavior in others? Are you happy with your boundaries?

Review the following list of unhealthy boundaries. Check off any which sound familiar or strike a chord. If you relate to some of them,Guest Posting you know you have some work to do on setting healthier boundaries.

Unhealthy Boundaries:

• You have no boundaries.
• You allow others to intrude your boundaries.
• You allow others to touch, act and speak inappropriately toward you.
• You allow others to take advantage of your time, your space, your body and/or your energy.
• You give away too much of yourself.
• You allow others to define who you are and direct your life.
• You violate your personal integrity to please others.
• You tell too much about yourself too quickly.
• You allow sexual contact when you don’t want it.
• You fall in love too quickly with almost anyone who shows you any attention.
• You expect others to anticipate what you want and need.
• You expect others to define your needs and values.
• You expect others to fill your wants and needs.
• You violate your integrity by allowing others to abuse you.
• You abuse yourself through negative behaviors, e.g., overeating, over-drinking, drug use, unsafe sex or others.

You can strengthen your boundaries and it all starts with choosing to be the chooser. 

Chooser versus Choosee: The Power of Choice

Chooser and choosee: Run them through your word-processing program, and you’re likely to have them rejected by your spell-check. Why? Because chooser, although in Webster’s Dictionary, is a seldom used term; and choosee is not even a word in our language.

Regardless of the linguistic validity and frequency of these words, the dynamics and pay-offs of your being either the chooser or the choosee are huge. 
When you’re the chooser, you live a powerful life of choice. You know who you are, what’s important, what’s allowed or not, and what’s healthy. When you live by choice, you never settle.

On the other hand the choosee gives their power away and allows others to make their choices for them.

The choosee is different from being chosen. In being chosen by another you still have clarity about what is and is not acceptable. The choosee settles and is often in a very dependent relationship.

Using three empowering dynamics of choice will give you the power to create and live the life of your choice.

The first dynamic is boundaries. When you know what’s acceptable and what’s not, you have clear boundaries. When you have clear boundaries, choice-making is easy because you know what does and doesn’t work for you.

The next dynamic is values. Knowing what’s important to you is synonymous with knowing your values. When you live and choose in accordance with your values, you live in integrity and wholeness.

The third and final dynamic is balance. When you live with a commitment to a balanced lifestyle, you have an awareness which helps you make healthy choices. Many health issues (both physical and emotional) are caused by a lack of balance. By choosing to have life balance awareness, you live a powerful and healthy life.

Boundaries, values, and balance are the essential cornerstones of your empowering, choice-making life.  Choose to be the Chooser! Remember: Setting boundaries is the first step; keeping and maintaining them is the real challenge.

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About Article Author

Ken Donaldson
Ken Donaldson

Ken Donaldson has been offering counseling, coaching, and educational programs since 1987. His programs are focused on empowering people to have more successful lives, businesses and relationships. Ken is the author of Marry YourSelf First! Saying "I DO" to a Life of Passion, Power and Purpose. Claim your FREE Relationship Success Special Report at

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